The Emotional Experience

I reference the emotional experience in a lot of how I frame my outlook, and wanted to expand a little on what I feel this is and its importance when seeking to truly support our dogs (and each other).

We all (dogs included) share a lot neurologically, physiologically and biologically. This is where science is very helpful in understanding the way these systems work, how they are connected and their probable function. However, how we ‘feel’ about those sensations and how we process there meaning, value and importance, is a very personal and unique thing. This, for me, is the essence of the emotional experience.

How we feel, what we feel and why we feel are all important aspects of our emotional experience. Our genetic makeup, our life experiences (social, physical and environmental) and the influence of others (personally, socially and culturally) all help form our belief and value systems : A unique combination that creates our ‘truth’. Whilst we might experience something in a similar way to someone else, how it affects us, what it means it us and how it informs our future self, will be very individual.

In many of my talks I invite others to think about there being two types of behaviour – the behaviour we do ourselves and the behaviour we observe/judge in others. Understanding these two outlooks is, in my opinion, crucial to truly being able to get an understanding of the emotional experience of an other.

The behaviour we judge in others will be guided and defined by our own belief and value system- our own world view or truth. The brain is not keen on having to keep reappraising the world around us, so forms a view and then likes to try and protect it, hence cognitive biases and belief filters. Understanding this is important, as we must be mindful that our judgement of the behaviour of others may be more about our own narrative and not a reflection of their emotional experience and what that lies behind it.

That last point is relevant when we consider the behaviour we do ourselves. How often do you actively think about your behaviour? Probably not much – you just ‘do’, based on your current physical and emotional state, with possible influences from the environment (but not always!) When we consider our own behaviour, we recognise how complicated the drives to behaviour are. Lots goes on before we express/communicate through our behavioural output. Whilst we can all be quick to judge (don’t beat yourself up for that – its what our brain likes to do!), we all hate to be judged! Mainly because often the judgement being made bears no relevance or resemblance to our emotional experience. We, rightly, feel aggrieved when someone makes assumptions about our motives or indeed our character, without knowing what we are experiencing, thinking or feeling.

I feel it is important to remember that all the above applies to the dogs we share our lives with and our relationships with them.

Traditionally dog training has come from a starting point of the human deciding what is, and isn’t, acceptable behaviour from the dog. The human’s belief system has created the narrative, from which judgments and expectations are then formed. When those expectations are not met, the need to control, change and coerce kicks in, to make the dog’s behaviour fit that narrative. (This is regardless of methods used, positive or punitive). There has also been a view put out that because we do not know how the dog feels or processes etc that we should only focus on their observable behaviour alone. Two big problems with this view in my opinion – Firstly the risk of the biases of the person doing those observations, the criteria they are using and what conclusions they might be making. Also how that informs the ‘results’ they are seeking in order for any intervention to be deemed successful. Secondly, and most importantly, the dog will have an emotional experience of their own, whether we choose to recognise/accept that or not. They will be seeking relief and safety through their behaviour. They will be communicating emotional need through their behaviour. Ignoring all these risks dismissing and devaluing the dogs innate communication and their expression of their ‘truth’

You will have a different emotional experience to me. And a different world view and truth. The fact I cannot measure that, or know it fully, should not mean I should ignore it or discount it. If I do ignore it, there is an increasing probability that I will seek to make you behave in a way that I have already decided you should – same goes for that outlook with dogs. If, however, I want to be compassionate and supportive I must become available to your truth and emotional experience.

This is , for me, the most important concept when seeking to understand and support an other. Being AVAILABLE.

Being available means being aware of both our own biases and judgments as well as an awareness that someone else will have their own ‘truth’.

When supporting dogs, we must allow ourselves to be available to learn their truths, to try and understand their emotional experience. This starts by making sure we are in a good place ourselves, that we are calm and not influenced by our ‘quick thinking brain’ but allowing ourselves to be available to truly learn more of the emotional experience of both the carer and the dog. This comes from good observations, over time – not looking to doing things quickly or to any arbitrary time scales. Allowing the dog to show us how they connect, how they process, how they seek safety etc and in contexts that are not just those centred around the ‘problem behaviours’. I am going to write more on this in another article.

Just because we cannot fully understand the emotional experience of an other, let alone another species, should not be a block to trying. Indeed, the biggest block is actually letting our own biases, judgements and expectations stop us from even being available to the possibility of learning about an others truth.

None of this is an exact ‘science’. It will take may approaches, disciplines and voices to move our understanding forward. The discussions in this group, and elsewhere, centred around the emotional experience, will all help us find better ways to learn more from the dog, to truly understand their behaviour and get a better appreciation of their truth.

Putting our training goals to one side, slowing things down, and allowing ourselves to be truly present in the moment and to connect to the experiences of our dogs, is the way to not only find their truth, but to add to our own! I genuinely believe in doing so we also become a better version of ourselves in the process, widening our world view and promoting more compassion and empathy.